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crabcakes: Kelly: I want you to tell me that you care about me. That is what I want.Ryan: Kelly, I’m your boss now, OK? You can’t keep talking to me like I’m your boyfriend.Kelly: Oh big strong man, fancy new whatever. I don’t think you ever cared about me.Ryan: I never cared about you? Six months ago Karen Filipelli sent me an email. Asked me out. I said no, because I was committed to our relationship.Kelly: Well, I hope you’re still committed because I’m pregnant.Kelly: (Shakes Head)Kelly: And guess what buddy, I am keeping it.Ryan: OK. OK.Kelly: Do you feel prepared to help me raise a baby?Ryan: I can… I can’t talk about this right now, OK? After work, we’ll go out to dinner, we’ll talk about it then, OK?Kelly: We have a date! The Office, 4x02 Dunder Mifflin Infinity

crabcakes:

Kelly: I want you to tell me that you care about me. That is what I want.
Ryan: Kelly, I’m your boss now, OK? You can’t keep talking to me like I’m your boyfriend.
Kelly: Oh big strong man, fancy new whatever. I don’t think you ever cared about me.
Ryan: I never cared about you? Six months ago Karen Filipelli sent me an email. Asked me out. I said no, because I was committed to our relationship.
Kelly: Well, I hope you’re still committed because I’m pregnant.
Kelly: (Shakes Head)
Kelly: And guess what buddy, I am keeping it.
Ryan: OK. OK.
Kelly: Do you feel prepared to help me raise a baby?
Ryan: I can… I can’t talk about this right now, OK? After work, we’ll go out to dinner, we’ll talk about it then, OK?
Kelly: We have a date!

  • The Office, 4x02 Dunder Mifflin Infinity
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What if Dwight dies and I still owe him something? That is the recipe for a ghost.
—Andy (via theofficeohword)
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The Office

  • Jim Halpert: Hey Andy.
  • Andy Bernard: Yo!
  • Jim Halpert: By any chance did you see Battlestar Galactica last night?
  • Andy Bernard: No, I did not. Is that any good?
  • Jim Halpert: Actually not. It's really so-so.
  • Dwight Schrute: [turning] Ok...
  • Jim Halpert: [showing Dwight the stopwatch]
  • Dwight Schrute: [faces his desk and says nothing]
  • Jim Halpert: Man like the whole "crazy monsters" and stuff like Klingons and Wookies and all that but...
  • Dwight Schrute: [turns again]
  • Jim Halpert: [turns and shows Dwight the stopwatch again] Sorry, was there something you wanted to add Dwight?
  • Dwight Schrute: [says nothing and continues to work]
  • Andy Bernard: Is that anything like the original Battlestar Galactica?
  • Jim Halpert: You know what's weird? It's practically a shot-for-shot remake.
  • Andy Bernard: Really? Huh, that's cool.
  • Dwight Schrute: [crumples papers trying to resist the urge to speak out]
  • Jim Halpert: [watching Dwight with stopwatch ready]
  • Jim Halpert: The story's kinda bland. It's about this guy named Dumbledore Calrissian who needs to return the ring back to Mordor.
  • Dwight Schrute: Ok...
  • Andy Bernard: Really, that doesn't sound right...
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Dwight Schrute: Welcome to the Hotel Hell. Check-in time is now, check-out time is never. Jim Halpert: Does my room have cable? Dwight Schrute: No. And the sheets are made of fire.Jim Halpert: Can I change rooms? Dwight Schrute: Sorry we’re all booked up. Hell convention in town. Jim Halpert: Can I have a late check-out? Dwight Schrute: I’ll have to talk to the manager. Jim Halpert: You’re not the manager, even in your own fantasy? Dwight Schrute: I’m the owner.. the co-owner.. with Satan! Jim Halpert: Okay, just so I understand it. In your wildest fantasy, you are in hell and you are co-running a bed and breakfast with the devil. Dwight Schrute: But I haven’t told you my salary yet. Jim Halpert: Go. Dwight Schrute: Eighty thousand dollars a year.

Dwight Schrute: Welcome to the Hotel Hell. Check-in time is now, check-out time is never.
Jim Halpert: Does my room have cable?
Dwight Schrute: No. And the sheets are made of fire.
Jim Halpert: Can I change rooms?
Dwight Schrute: Sorry we’re all booked up. Hell convention in town.
Jim Halpert: Can I have a late check-out?
Dwight Schrute: I’ll have to talk to the manager.
Jim Halpert: You’re not the manager, even in your own fantasy?
Dwight Schrute: I’m the owner.. the co-owner.. with Satan!
Jim Halpert: Okay, just so I understand it. In your wildest fantasy, you are in hell and you are co-running a bed and breakfast with the devil.
Dwight Schrute: But I haven’t told you my salary yet.
Jim Halpert: Go.
Dwight Schrute: Eighty thousand dollars a year.

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When my mother was pregnant with me, they did an ultrasound and found she was having twins. When they did another ultrasound a few weeks later, they discovered, that I had resorbed the other fetus. Do I regret this? No. I believe his tissue has made me stronger. I now have the strength of a grown man and a little baby.
Dwight Schrute, The Office
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Dwight Schrute: I come from a long line of fighters. My maternal grandfather was the toughest guy I ever knew. World War Two veteran killed twenty men and spent the rest of the war in an Allied prison camp. My father battled blood pressure and obesity all his life. Different kind of fight.

Dwight Schrute: I come from a long line of fighters. My maternal grandfather was the toughest guy I ever knew. World War Two veteran killed twenty men and spent the rest of the war in an Allied prison camp. My father battled blood pressure and obesity all his life. Different kind of fight.

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jajajajaajaj that detector jajaja

jajajajaajaj that detector jajaja

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Myth: Three Americans every year die from rabies. Fact: Four Americans every year die from rabies.
Michael Scott
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Yes. It is true. I, Michael Scott, am signing up with an online dating service. Thousands of people have done it, and I am going to do it. I need a username, and… I have a great one.
[types something]
‘Little Kid Lover’. That way people will know exactly where my priorities are at.
Michael Scott
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Dwight Schrute: Let’s go over some symptoms of marijuana use, shall we? You tell me who this sounds like. Slow moving. Inattentive. Dull. Constantly snacking. Shows a lack of motivation.

Kevin: Hey!

Really? jajaajaja
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Work jokes…Yes jaajajaj

Work jokes…Yes jaajajaj

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The Schrutes have their own traditions. We usually marry standing in our own graves. Makes the funerals very romantic. But the weddings are a bleak affair.
Dwight Schrute
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lol

lol

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theofficeohword: I am taking a calculated risk. What’s the upside? I overcome my nausea, fall deeply in love, babies, no more self loathing. Downside? I, uh, date Michael Scott publicly and collapse in on myself like a dying star. 3x17, Cocktails

theofficeohword:

I am taking a calculated risk. What’s the upside? I overcome my nausea, fall deeply in love, babies, no more self loathing. Downside? I, uh, date Michael Scott publicly and collapse in on myself like a dying star.

3x17, Cocktails

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